The "Hawk Incident"

The time has finally come when the full story behind the "Hawk Incident" can be told. For years the mere mention of it brought angry words and tempers to the boiling point. Not that much really happened, but the incident was talked about and exaggerated and blown all out of proportion. There were accusations of unethical conduct, multiple psyches and threats to life and limb. The East Kumquat Bridge Association's Conduct and Ethics committee heard so much testimony from participants, witnesses and other interested parties that one would have thought that they were investigating the Watergate affair. 

What really happened was this. The Hawk, the Leprechaun, the Batman and Big Jim were playing the last round of a Swiss team match against Sydney, Dr. and Mrs. Irving J. Sheepmeat and Loretta Leadbottom. Neither team had been doing well and Sydney's team was about to suffer one of the worst defeats in ACBL history: 112 - 0. The good doctor and Sydney were playing against the Hawk and the Leprechaun and, despite their good results, the Hawk was hurling insults in his high, squeeky, Eastern European accent at the Leprechaun on every hand. On the last board the Leprechaun knew that his team was so far ahead that they could not possibly lose, so he decided to play some tricks on his partner.

Sitting North, the Leprechaun announced a skip bid: 2ª

Dr. Sheepmeat asked for a review of the bidding. He decided to double 6NT. He was beating this one. The Hawk stood up and screamed at the Leprechaun, "If you have zree hots to ze kveen, I keel you, 7 dimunts". Sydney head his partner double 6NT and he had ten HCPs of his own. He decided to risk a double. Noone had the courage to redouble, so that ended the auction.

Sydney was pondering his opening lead and decided that Ace doubleton of an unbid suit had to be safe, so he placed the § A face up on the table. The Hawk looked at the opening lead, looked at the dummy, stood up and yelled so loud that the entire room could hear, "I ain't got none a zose".