Holy Agnosticism
(I AM)

 

Introduction

The many “I am’s” of Jesus

I call St. John’s gospel the “I am gospel.”  It abounds with Jesus saying “I am.”  In this 6th chapter he says it three times. First in verse 35: “I am the bread of life. The one who comes to me will never hunger. The one who believe in me will never thirst.” Then in verse 48: “I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the desert but died. The one who eats the bread from heaven will never die.” Then a third time in verse 51: “I am the living bread that came down from heaven.  The one who eats this bread will live forever” (Jn 6:51).  In the 8th chapter Jesus says, “I am the light of the world. Who follows me will have the light of life and will not walk in the darkness” (Jn 8:12).   In the 10th chapter, “I am the gate to the sheepfold. Whoever enters through me will be safe and sound; he will go freely in and out and be sure of finding green pasture” (Jn 10:9).  Also in the 10th chapter, Jesus says, “I am the good shepherd who lays down his life for the sheep” (Jn 10:11).  In the 14th chapter he says, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to Father except through me” (Jn 14:6). In the 15th chapter he says, “I am the vine and you are the branches and my Father is the gardener “(Jn 15:5).

 The one unspeakable “I AM” of Jesus

Then one day, Jesus set off a little explosion when he said, “I AM.” Period. No longer, “I am the bread of life” or “I am the way, the truth and the life” or “I am the sheep gate” or “I am the vine.”  No, just I AM. Period. On that occasion he was fighting with the Jews.  (Remember last Sunday we said that John specializes in the fight between Jesus and the Jews.) Jesus accuses them of trying to kill him. He tells them that the Devil, not Abraham, is their father, for the Devil, too, was a murderer (Jn 8:39-44). They snarl back at him saying, “We are right in saying you are a no-good Samaritan and are possessed by a demon” (Jn 8:48). Then Jesus says to them, “Whoever accepts my words will never see death” (Jn 8:51). The Jews fire back saying, “Now we know for sure you have a demon. Abraham died and the prophets died, and yet you say, `Whoever accepts my words will never see death.’ Are you greater than our father Abraham who died and the prophets who died? Who in the world do you think you are” (Jn 8:53)? Jesus replies, “I tell you your father Abraham longed to see my day; he saw it and rejoiced” (Jn 8:56).  How could that be since there were 42 generations between Abraham and Jesus (Mt 1:17)? So the Jews protest saying, “You are not yet fifty years old. How can you have seen Abraham” (Jn 8: 57)? Jesus replies, “I tell you the truth that before Abraham was born, I AM” (Jn 8:58). Not I am this or I am that but just plain I AM.  

In Hebrew I AM is Yahweh, and Yahweh is God’s name. When God appeared to Moses in the burning bush and commissioned him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses protested saying, “I’m just a nobody. What if the people should ask me what is the name of the God who sent you to us, what shall I tell them?” God said to Moses, “I am who am. Tell the sons of Israel that the name of the God who sent you is I AM (YAHWEH) …. By this name I shall be invoked for all generations to come” (Ex 3:11-14).   Jesus had set off an explosion when he said to the Jews, “Before Abraham was born I AM (Jn 8:58).” For them it was tantamount to claiming for himself the holy and unspeakable name of God.  It was tantamount to making himself God. That was blasphemy. The next verse says, “At that they picked up stones to throw at him; but Jesus hid himself and left the Temple” (Jn 8:59).

 

 

The mystery of God

Scripture scholars and theologians busy themselves over the meaning of the sacred name YAHWEH—I AM.  Some think it simply means that God is the cause of all being.  Others more profoundly think that God’s answer to Moses that his name is I AM is really God refusing to betray his name to man. It’s really God telling Moses, “’I’m not going to tell you my name!” It’s really God hiding in a cloud of unknowing.[1] It’s really God protecting the best there is in God: mystery, transcendence and otherness.

 

Religion is at its best not when it claims to be all-knowing about God but when it claims not to know or have God down pat. Religion is at its best not when it obscenely exposes God with a steady flow of words but when it falls silent before God’s mystery.

Gnosis and agnosis

Knowing in Greek is gnosis.  In church history the Gnostics were people who had knowledge about God that others didn’t have. Religion is at its worst when it knows everything and has God down pat. It’s at its worst when it destroys the best there is in God: mystery, transcendence and otherness. TV pulpits, including EWTN, abound with know-it-all-ers and mystery-destroyers who have God down pat. Not knowing in Greek is agnosis. We get agnosticism from that, which now almost always has a bad meaning.  But as a humble admission that one does not know or have God down pat, agnosticism always held a respectable place in early Christian theology and spirituality.

 

 

Islamists have God down pat

Hamas, Hezbollah, Usama bin Laden, and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad are all “religious” people whose God, Allah, is no mystery to them. They have him down pat. Allah hates the infidels and crusaders of the West with a passion. He rewards suicide bombers with a harem of virgins.  He wants Israel wiped off the map. Bin Laden sent two 747s crashing into the World Trade Center, bringing down two twin towers and three thousand innocent infidels in the name of Allah. See why God refuses to betray his name to Moses and to us?

 

Zionists have God down pat

Militant Jews called Zionists are also “religious” people, and their God, Yahweh, is also no mystery to them. They, too, have him down pat. He personally gave them the Aretz Yisrael--the Land of Israel. They fire themselves up with the eschatological belief that reclaiming the land will hasten the coming of the Messiah.  So they settle in territories not their own--the Gaza Strip and the West Bank, and they refuse to budge in God’s holy name. See why God refuses to betray his name to Moses and us?

 

Rev. Phelps has God down pat

The Rev. Phelps also is a “religious” person, and his God, too, is no mystery to him. He’s got him down pat.  Matt Shepard was a gay student from the University of Wyoming. Two skinheads beat him to a pulp, chained him to a wooden fence out in the country and left him die there in his tears and blood. The Rev. Phelps picketed Matt’s funeral.  In God’s name he carried a sign which screamed out, “God hates fags and buries them in Hell—Romans 9:13.” See why God refuses to betray his name to Moses and to us?

 

Lake Jackson has God down pat

The church in Lake Jackson is also “religious,” and its God, too, is no mystery to it; it has him down pat. This past winter I found myself a very momentary job at St. Michael the Archangel in Lake Jackson, Texas. My first Sunday there made some people unhappy. When I returned for a second Sunday the gospel was about Jesus making the apostles fishers of men.  When I suggested solving the acute shortage of priests by ordaining married men and even women as fishers of men, that made some very unhappy. Shortly after, I was told that the church office had received a good fifty telephone calls in complaint, and that the fury caused was similar to what happened when Vatican II first broke upon the Catholic faithful in the second half of the last century. I was basically told that it was either their way or the highway. I knew it had to be the highway.

 

I still see the huge muscular statue of St. Michael the Archangel standing in the church vestibule with sword in hand guarding, in God’s name, their no-mystery-God whom they have down pat.  See why God refuses to betray his name to Moses and to us?

 

When we know for sure what God thinks about birth control, divorce and remarriage, homosexuality and open Communion, then we’ve got God down pat, and we’ve destroyed the best there is in God: mystery, transcendence and otherness.  When we know that sexual purity is God’s greatest moral delight even before justice and peace, and that God specially concocts AIDS to get even with immoral sinners (but does  nothing special to get even with corporate crooks), then we’ve got God down pat, and we’ve destroyed the best there is in God: mystery.  When we even know God’s sexual preferences (i.e., celibate priests over married priest or male priests over female priests), when we even know God’s gender (obviously male) then we’ve got God down pat, and we’ve destroyed the best there is in God: mystery. When we even know God’s picky preferences (wheat flour over rice flour for the communion wafer) then, indeed, we’ve got God down pat and have destroyed the best there is in God: mystery.

 

Conclusion

Holy agnosticism

The church is at its best not when it claims to know and has everything down pat but when it claims not to know. That holy agnosticism, that humble avowal of not knowing, frees the church from convenient prisons of certainty. That holy agnosticism makes the church fall into silence. It stops her from talking too much and starts her listening to others in the great issues that wrangle her, like birth control, divorce, open communion, married clergy, ordination of women and homosexuality.

 

And we, too, are at our best not when we claim to know and have everything down pat but when we claim not to know. That holy agnosticism frees us also from our convenient prisons of certainty. It also has us falling into silence. It also stops us from talking too much, and it starts us listening.

 


[1] A CLOUD OF UNKNOWING: a mystical work which dates from the 14th century, although the author is not known. The book states that the "cloud of unknowing" which separates us from God cannot be penetrated by the intellect but only by love. Sometimes God bestows a mystical inspiration—"a beam of ghostly light"—allowing man a glimpse of God’s secrets.