Snakebites, May 2000
Volume 00, Issue 5 Roseville, CA MAY 1, 2000
CONFESSIONS OF AN OS JUNKIE
Hello, my name is Ira Nutlicker and I am an OS junkie. I've been clean for 6months now.
This is my story. This could happen to you. I always liked it when the company gave out
safety trinkets. I liked getting something free. That is how it all started. I wanted more, I
was always there when they handed out the goodies. Sometimes, I went back two or three
times. But that wasn't enough. I got to be a pest around the officers, always looking for a
free handout.
Next I went to one of their safety picnics. The Superintendent saw me and
told me if I helped out at the hot dog stand, he'd give me a days pay. Well,
my life changed forever. I wanted more, one day was not enough. I managed
to parlay that one day into two days by volunteering to do the clean up.
But that wasn't enough. I wanted more. I lived for OS. I'd get on a special
project for a few days and stretch it into a week. OS was good. It was
daylights and weekends off. I ignored my brothers and sisters who were
working. They talked bad about me. But they were jealous, I'd tell myself.
They're just pissed because they don't have an OS suck-up job. But just
being on OS wasn't enough. Oh, not by a long shot! There's always the chance
that the budget gods will get angry and then all us dudes on OS are
scrambling to see who survives, like a pack of starving hyenas around a
carcass. So you plot and plan and try to make yourself look indispensable
while at the same time undercutting the other OS junkies. It was every man
for himself and to hell with everyone else.
But I needed more. I saw that others were making more on OS than I was. So I
cajoled and conspired and wheedled and lied until finally I was making as
much as them, but that wasn't enough. I started padding expense reports, at
first just a little, but success made me brazen. I started claiming the max
on my meals and stretching the miles on my car. If I was authorized to fly,
I'd purchase an expensive ticket, get reimbursed, but turn the original
flight ticket in for a refund and buy a cheaper fare. Oh yes, by then I was
a professional OS junkie.
Then I saw an amazing sight. It was a brother who was on Union OS. I'd never
heard of such a concept. Imagine, the union paying these "special reps" or
"organizers" to just go to union meetings and rat on the dissidents, passout
union trinkets, give little pep talks on how bad the other organization is
and generally spy on what was happening. On top of that, the lawyers wined
and dined them and they could still claim meals! Hell, I could do that AND
be on OS! So there I was, trying to pander to the company and the union.
Serving two masters. Double dipping by collecting pay from both. It was pure
greed my friends, more than that, it was greed, power, daylights, travel and
not riding trains!
Then my world collapsed, the BLE/UTU thing fell through and I was released
from my appointed union position. At the same time, the budget gods at the
carrier struck with a vengeance and it was like a Saturday night massacre.
Hundreds of OS junkies were thrown into the streets to fend for themselves.
On top of that I had run up massive debt. There was no way I could make it
riding trains. I was desperate. My wife had left me for an MTO because I was
never around. I had bottomed out. All was lost, I became suicidal.
That was when I called my local chairman, who guided me to the people who
could help. He directed me to the Carl Bradley Clinic, where I would be
quickly weaned from the OS teat. It was tough, but my local chairman was also a
recovering OS addict and knew the drill. Thanks to him and many others, I'm now
recovering. And that, my friends, is my story.
My name is Ira Nutlicker and I am a recovering OS junkie. I am clean and
have been riding trains for 6 months.
GRIEVER'S CORNER
Wasn't that inspiring? I hope we can continue to bring you uplifting and
inspiring stories like this in the future. My thanks to ol' Ira for baring
his soul.
I've been asked to appeal to the powers-that-be, whoever they are, that TWC
not be installed on our mountain. This historic and difficult piece of
railroad has been taken WAY too lightly by the flatlanders in Omaha and if
this garbage dispatching system is put in place I'm afraid they're going to
kill somebody. (See the letter below.) As always, we may raise a lot of
hell, make a lot of noise and piss off management, but first, last and
always, we want a SAFE railroad, no matter who they put in charge.
A word of advice: When you put in a claim for an agreement violation, be
sure to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Names, dates, times, witnesses, pictures if you
got 'em, officers who told you to do it, your print-out of the boards, work
history, whatever. These weasels have figured out a way to bog down the
claims process to a crawl, which gives them more room to rape our greements.
Simply put, they nitpick and make nonsensical arguments about details so
they don't have to address the real issues. Ask your griever if he knows a
nice Labor Relations person who takes good care of us. You have to have no conscience
to spend your entire career trying to screw working people out of what they are
contractually entitled to.
Also, if one of the drones tries to move you to another job during the
shift, make damn sure they let CMS know and document everything. Then CMS
has to create a new job for you or at least show you on another job. Being
held over to the next shift when you have relief sitting right there is a
sign of total incompetence on the part of the carrier. They can't manage
their crews, they can't manage their yard. They can't manage their whole
damn railroad! I may be a little paranoid, but I think they're all in it
together. Nah, they can't be that smart, can they?
WE GET LETTERS, Part 24
Dear Editor,
Thanks for your comments about dispatchers. Close to the truth. By the
way - not everyone in the HDC is a complete idiot. Some of us - forced to
migrate to Omaha as dispatchers and corridor managers can't believe what we
see going on from this wonderful location ( armpit of the
nation).. Of course with all of the head honchos coming from the Big Nothing
what did we all expect. It seems as though the Company did a major study on
the differences between Direct Traffic Control (DTC) and Track Warrant
Control (TWC) or otherwise known as Death Warrant Control...Results? It
seems there have been no major incidents in DTC but many in TWC. No
fatalities in DTC but 12 in TWC. The study shows DTC is easier for everyone
to understand and comprehend while TWC is very difficult for even a genius
to understand BUT the company will continue to use TWC because they have
already paid for the software for the upcoming -- in the process for 8 yrs
now -- CAD 3. It is amazing how little human life is worth within this
company that values the family so much.... That value is spelled bottom
line. How can you loan Dick 9.4 million if you have to concede that a
program is no good and will cost "just a few million" to change.
Overworked in Omaha
UP OFFICER TRAINING: CHEMISTRY , 1A
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at the UP labs. The element, tentatively named Administratium,
has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it
does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111
assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange
of meson-like particles called morons. It is also surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons,
Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it
impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the
discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than
one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass actually INCREASES over
time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably
become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron
promotion leads some scientists to speculate that perhaps Administratium is
spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a "service
unit."
ADIOS, CARL
In spite of our differences, I gotta give credit where it's due. Carl
Bradley has done a good job as the leader of this mess involving the merger
of the UP and SP and the rebuild of Roseville yard. As of the first of the
month Carl is in the golf and retirement mode, which makes us very envious.
Anyway, you don't get to be a Super by screwing up, and Carl has done the
job as well as anyone before him. Good Luck to you Carl, and if they ask you
to be a consultant, charge the bastards 25 grand a week. And pay your back
dues to the UTU, OK? Happy Retirement!
DEAR DAN LANDERS
My brothers and sisters have a very serious problem and we need your help.
We work for the Union Pacific Railroad. Please do not use my name and
address, as I do not want my friends and neighbors to know who I work for.
My children would be picked on in school. Anyway, to keep my sanity I call
AVR umpteen times a day in an on going attempt to have a life. Simply put,
the line-ups are worthless and as a result my life is total chaos.
Further, I can mark up on the AVR by hitting a couple of buttons. However,
if I want to lay off or take care or any other personal business I have to
call those fine folks at CMS. I am kept on hold for an eon or two. Many
times when they finally answer I "Can't Get No Satisfaction." These long
waits on hold can be quite frustrating. To relieve stress I kick my dog
until CMS answers. When my foot gets sore I work on my book: "How to make
black labs fly." The phone just rang, I have to go to work now. Two minutes
ago the AVR said I was 69 times out and wouldn't be called until next week.
Everyone in front of me got run around or missed call. The MTO is sure to
fix their wagons!! Anyway, can you see my problem?
Signed,
Working on Limbo time!
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Limbo,
Wow! I really got my shorts in a wad over your problem. The oppression
you are experiencing in your family has seriously clouded your thinking.
Here is your sure solution. Do not call AVR again. I mean never again. Why
call a machine and get lousy advice? And by all means quit kicking your
dog. Kids maybe, but not the dog! Being put on hold should not frustrate
your family. Viewed properly, being on hold can be sure "Satisfaction."
This truly is the beauty of this solution. Being on hold is good and more
is better.
Go to your local phone store and get one of those Burger King walk about
head sets or two or three hundred feet of extension cord for your phone and
turn the volume down. Get in your easy chair, watch your favorite soap or
go out to the pool or hot tub and relax while CMS has you on hold. Get the
idea? Call those fine folks at CMS and get good up-to-date information.
It truly is worth the wait. If your entire family does this, the waits will
be longer and longer and longer, etc. This is good. Very good!
Meanwhile, back at CMS the phones will be ringing off the hook! Those fine
folks will be so busy giving you all that good information that they will
not have time to call you. You're getting TPA, so what's the problem? Being
on hold beats limbo time, right? If by chance when you call they need you
for a turn you will be right there calling them and doing them a big favor.
Truly win/win. This is clearly your best option and it should greatly
reduce your stress. Remember this will only work if your entire family does
this and keeps on doing it every day, all day.
Remember, be polite and stress safety by getting your proper rest. This can
only be accomplished by good up-to-date information. Break the AVR habit by
calling CMS now. Bored? Got some spare time? On vacation or just need your
line up fix? Call the fine folks at CMS and find out what's going down! CMS
has operators standing by and they are waiting for your call. It's toll
free, so call now!
Good Luck,
Dan
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who
learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for
themselves. Will Rogers
SNAKEBITES is published by the Roseville Switchmen just for the hell of it.
Don't like it? Tough. Don't read it. Anyway, subscriptions are free but it'
ll cost you 100 bucks to get off our list. (No exceptions, Dick. Send me a
check.) Please leave this or another copy for the next crew. Postage is
expensive. Send any and all communications to: editor@snakebites.orgolume 00, Issue 5 Roseville, CA MAY 1, 2000
CONFESSIONS OF AN OS JUNKIE
Hello, my name is Ira Nutlicker and I am an OS junkie. I've been clean for 6months now.
This is my story. This could happen to you. I always liked it when the company gave out
safety trinkets. I liked getting something free. That is how it all started. I wanted more, I
was always there when they handed out the goodies. Sometimes, I went back two or three
times. But that wasn't enough. I got to be a pest around the officers, always looking for a
free handout.
Next I went to one of their safety picnics. The Superintendent saw me and
told me if I helped out at the hot dog stand, he'd give me a days pay. Well,
my life changed forever. I wanted more, one day was not enough. I managed
to parlay that one day into two days by volunteering to do the clean up.
But that wasn't enough. I wanted more. I lived for OS. I'd get on a special
project for a few days and stretch it into a week. OS was good. It was
daylights and weekends off. I ignored my brothers and sisters who were
working. They talked bad about me. But they were jealous, I'd tell myself.
They're just pissed because they don't have an OS suck-up job. But just
being on OS wasn't enough. Oh, not by a long shot! There's always the chance
that the budget gods will get angry and then all us dudes on OS are
scrambling to see who survives, like a pack of starving hyenas around a
carcass. So you plot and plan and try to make yourself look indispensable
while at the same time undercutting the other OS junkies. It was every man
for himself and to hell with everyone else.
But I needed more. I saw that others were making more on OS than I was. So I
cajoled and conspired and wheedled and lied until finally I was making as
much as them, but that wasn't enough. I started padding expense reports, at
first just a little, but success made me brazen. I started claiming the max
on my meals and stretching the miles on my car. If I was authorized to fly,
I'd purchase an expensive ticket, get reimbursed, but turn the original
flight ticket in for a refund and buy a cheaper fare. Oh yes, by then I was
a professional OS junkie.
Then I saw an amazing sight. It was a brother who was on Union OS. I'd never
heard of such a concept. Imagine, the union paying these "special reps" or
"organizers" to just go to union meetings and rat on the dissidents, passout
union trinkets, give little pep talks on how bad the other organization is
and generally spy on what was happening. On top of that, the lawyers wined
and dined them and they could still claim meals! Hell, I could do that AND
be on OS! So there I was, trying to pander to the company and the union.
Serving two masters. Double dipping by collecting pay from both. It was pure
greed my friends, more than that, it was greed, power, daylights, travel and
not riding trains!
Then my world collapsed, the BLE/UTU thing fell through and I was released
from my appointed union position. At the same time, the budget gods at the
carrier struck with a vengeance and it was like a Saturday night massacre.
Hundreds of OS junkies were thrown into the streets to fend for themselves.
On top of that I had run up massive debt. There was no way I could make it
riding trains. I was desperate. My wife had left me for an MTO because I was
never around. I had bottomed out. All was lost, I became suicidal.
That was when I called my local chairman, who guided me to the people who
could help. He directed me to the Carl Bradley Clinic, where I would be
quickly weaned from the OS teat. It was tough, but my local chairman was also a
recovering OS addict and knew the drill. Thanks to him and many others, I'm now
recovering. And that, my friends, is my story.
My name is Ira Nutlicker and I am a recovering OS junkie. I am clean and
have been riding trains for 6 months.
GRIEVER'S CORNER
Wasn't that inspiring? I hope we can continue to bring you uplifting and
inspiring stories like this in the future. My thanks to ol' Ira for baring
his soul.
I've been asked to appeal to the powers-that-be, whoever they are, that TWC
not be installed on our mountain. This historic and difficult piece of
railroad has been taken WAY too lightly by the flatlanders in Omaha and if
this garbage dispatching system is put in place I'm afraid they're going to
kill somebody. (See the letter below.) As always, we may raise a lot of
hell, make a lot of noise and piss off management, but first, last and
always, we want a SAFE railroad, no matter who they put in charge.
A word of advice: When you put in a claim for an agreement violation, be
sure to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Names, dates, times, witnesses, pictures if you
got 'em, officers who told you to do it, your print-out of the boards, work
history, whatever. These weasels have figured out a way to bog down the
claims process to a crawl, which gives them more room to rape our greements.
Simply put, they nitpick and make nonsensical arguments about details so
they don't have to address the real issues. Ask your griever if he knows a
nice Labor Relations person who takes good care of us. You have to have no conscience
to spend your entire career trying to screw working people out of what they are
contractually entitled to.
Also, if one of the drones tries to move you to another job during the
shift, make damn sure they let CMS know and document everything. Then CMS
has to create a new job for you or at least show you on another job. Being
held over to the next shift when you have relief sitting right there is a
sign of total incompetence on the part of the carrier. They can't manage
their crews, they can't manage their yard. They can't manage their whole
damn railroad! I may be a little paranoid, but I think they're all in it
together. Nah, they can't be that smart, can they?
WE GET LETTERS, Part 24
Dear Editor,
Thanks for your comments about dispatchers. Close to the truth. By the
way - not everyone in the HDC is a complete idiot. Some of us - forced to
migrate to Omaha as dispatchers and corridor managers can't believe what we
see going on from this wonderful location ( armpit of the
nation).. Of course with all of the head honchos coming from the Big Nothing
what did we all expect. It seems as though the Company did a major study on
the differences between Direct Traffic Control (DTC) and Track Warrant
Control (TWC) or otherwise known as Death Warrant Control...Results? It
seems there have been no major incidents in DTC but many in TWC. No
fatalities in DTC but 12 in TWC. The study shows DTC is easier for everyone
to understand and comprehend while TWC is very difficult for even a genius
to understand BUT the company will continue to use TWC because they have
already paid for the software for the upcoming -- in the process for 8 yrs
now -- CAD 3. It is amazing how little human life is worth within this
company that values the family so much.... That value is spelled bottom
line. How can you loan Dick 9.4 million if you have to concede that a
program is no good and will cost "just a few million" to change.
Overworked in Omaha
UP OFFICER TRAINING: CHEMISTRY , 1A
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at the UP labs. The element, tentatively named Administratium,
has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it
does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111
assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange
of meson-like particles called morons. It is also surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons,
Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it
impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the
discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than
one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass actually INCREASES over
time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably
become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron
promotion leads some scientists to speculate that perhaps Administratium is
spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a "service
unit."
ADIOS, CARL
In spite of our differences, I gotta give credit where it's due. Carl
Bradley has done a good job as the leader of this mess involving the merger
of the UP and SP and the rebuild of Roseville yard. As of the first of the
month Carl is in the golf and retirement mode, which makes us very envious.
Anyway, you don't get to be a Super by screwing up, and Carl has done the
job as well as anyone before him. Good Luck to you Carl, and if they ask you
to be a consultant, charge the bastards 25 grand a week. And pay your back
dues to the UTU, OK? Happy Retirement!
DEAR DAN LANDERS
My brothers and sisters have a very serious problem and we need your help.
We work for the Union Pacific Railroad. Please do not use my name and
address, as I do not want my friends and neighbors to know who I work for.
My children would be picked on in school. Anyway, to keep my sanity I call
AVR umpteen times a day in an on going attempt to have a life. Simply put,
the line-ups are worthless and as a result my life is total chaos.
Further, I can mark up on the AVR by hitting a couple of buttons. However,
if I want to lay off or take care or any other personal business I have to
call those fine folks at CMS. I am kept on hold for an eon or two. Many
times when they finally answer I "Can't Get No Satisfaction." These long
waits on hold can be quite frustrating. To relieve stress I kick my dog
until CMS answers. When my foot gets sore I work on my book: "How to make
black labs fly." The phone just rang, I have to go to work now. Two minutes
ago the AVR said I was 69 times out and wouldn't be called until next week.
Everyone in front of me got run around or missed call. The MTO is sure to
fix their wagons!! Anyway, can you see my problem?
Signed,
Working on Limbo time!
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Limbo,
Wow! I really got my shorts in a wad over your problem. The oppression
you are experiencing in your family has seriously clouded your thinking.
Here is your sure solution. Do not call AVR again. I mean never again. Why
call a machine and get lousy advice? And by all means quit kicking your
dog. Kids maybe, but not the dog! Being put on hold should not frustrate
your family. Viewed properly, being on hold can be sure "Satisfaction."
This truly is the beauty of this solution. Being on hold is good and more
is better.
Go to your local phone store and get one of those Burger King walk about
head sets or two or three hundred feet of extension cord for your phone and
turn the volume down. Get in your easy chair, watch your favorite soap or
go out to the pool or hot tub and relax while CMS has you on hold. Get the
idea? Call those fine folks at CMS and get good up-to-date information.
It truly is worth the wait. If your entire family does this, the waits will
be longer and longer and longer, etc. This is good. Very good!
Meanwhile, back at CMS the phones will be ringing off the hook! Those fine
folks will be so busy giving you all that good information that they will
not have time to call you. You're getting TPA, so what's the problem? Being
on hold beats limbo time, right? If by chance when you call they need you
for a turn you will be right there calling them and doing them a big favor.
Truly win/win. This is clearly your best option and it should greatly
reduce your stress. Remember this will only work if your entire family does
this and keeps on doing it every day, all day.
Remember, be polite and stress safety by getting your proper rest. This can
only be accomplished by good up-to-date information. Break the AVR habit by
calling CMS now. Bored? Got some spare time? On vacation or just need your
line up fix? Call the fine folks at CMS and find out what's going down! CMS
has operators standing by and they are waiting for your call. It's toll
free, so call now!
Good Luck,
Dan
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who
learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for
themselves. Will Rogers
SNAKEBITES is published by the Roseville Switchmen just for the hell of it.
Don't like it? Tough. Don't read it. Anyway, subscriptions are free but it'
ll cost you 100 bucks to get off our list. (No exceptions, Dick. Send me a
check.) Please leave this or another copy for the next crew. Postage is
expensive.