Gary Lynch is a bibliophile, electrical engineer, single father of 2 wonderful kids, Lutheran, alpine skier, amateur photographer & stargazer, armchair linguist, and patron of the stage & symphony; living and learning in Baden-Württemberg, Germany.
The following lists present links to his favorite
Internet resources:
At the height of the French revolution, three members of the bourgeoisie were lined up to be executed: a priest, a lawyer, and an engineer.
When asked if he had any last requests, the priest muttered something about being "martyred facing heaven." This was deemed acceptable, and they placed him in the guillotine face-up. But when the executioner pulled the trip cord nothing happened. Fearing an act of divine intervention, they gave the priest a pardon on the spot and sent him on his way.
The lawyer had been watching all this, and when asked for his final request, he wanted the same thing as the priest. Sure enough, the blade didn't move, and he, too, received a pardon.
Then it was the engineer's turn, and he also asked for the face-up position. Just as the executioner was about to pull the cord his eyes grew wide and he cried, "I see the problem!"
A hardware engineer, a software engineer, and their project manager were taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they came upon an old brass lamp. They picked it up and dusted it off. Poof -- out popped a genie. "Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."
The hardware engineer thought a moment and said, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an crew entirely comprised of members of the opposite sex." "It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappeared.
The software engineer thought a moment and said, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of members of the opposite sex throughout the American Southwest." "It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappeared.
The project manager looked at where the other two had been standing and rubbed his chin in thought. Then he told the Genie, "I'd like those two back at their desks after lunch."
Three pals from the same office: an engineer, a programmer, and a salesman, agreed to hunt bears together. They hopped in a station wagon and headed out to the woods.
When they got the their campsite, the programmer pulled out a 4", loose-leaf binder, entitled How to Shoot a Bear, and started reading on page 1. The engineer took his gun apart, and started cleaning it. The salesman was bored and decided to take a walk with his gun in the woods.
He hadn't gone far before spotting a bear across a clearing. He drew a bead and pulled the trigger. Click! (Forgot to load the gun.)
But the bear heard the noise and started after him. The salesman hightailed it back to camp, where the engineer had his rifle spread all over a blanket, and the programmer was on page 8.
Bolting right between them, he called over his shoulder, "You guys skin this one. I'll be back in a minute with your next bear!"
A man is floating around in a hot-air balloon and slowly has to admit he is lost. He loses a little altitude and spots another man on the ground. He loses some more altitude and calls down, "Excuse me, could you be of assistance? I promised a friend of mine I would meet him an hour ago, but I seem to have lost my way. Do you know where I am?"
The man on the ground answers, "Yes, I know where you are. You are in a basket of a hot-air balloon, at a height of approximately 30 feet. You are somewhere between 40 and 42 degrees latitude and 58 and 60 degrees longitude, bearing east at about 10 knots."
"You must be an engineer!," says the balloonist.
"Yes, I am," the man on the ground replies. "How did you know that?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you told me may be technically correct in itself, but it is of no practical use with respect to the fact that I am lost."
The man on the ground says, "Then you must be a manager."
"I am indeed. How did you know that?"
"Well," says the man on the ground, "You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have made a promise that it is impossible to keep and you think I can help with your problem. And even though you are in the exact same position as before we met, this has somehow become my fault."
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally the frog asked: "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said: "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Well before Peter Norton, we were devising "improvements" every computer's operating system should provide. The following list offers free downloads of the best MS-DOS utilities
