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[Excerpt]
Reprinted without permission
Introduction
to the book Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them (1991) by David
Island, PhD and Patrick Letellier, MA
"Domestic violence is not a gender issue, since both men
and women can be either batterer or victim. Domestic violence
is a crime, and perpetrators are criminals. Individual acts of
domestic violence are not caused by a victim's provocation,
not by a violent, patriarchal society, not by alcohol or by
any other excuse or rationalization one could dream up.
Domestic violence is caused by individual, violent people.
Because domestic violence is a decision made by a batterer, a
batterer's violent actions are premeditated. Abusers intend to
harm their lovers. Therefore, domestic violence is an enormous
mental health problem in America. A batterer cannot possibly
be seen as a mentally healthy, well-functioning member of a
domestic couple. In fact, in this book we show that batterers
suffer from a diagnosable, progressive mental disorder in
their domestic setting, with their partners as the targets of
their un-healthy condition, manifested most clearly just
before, during, and just after one of their violent attacks.
Batterers do not voluntarily seek help, cannot and do not fix
themselves magically, and become increasingly abusive over
time. Batterers have learned to be violent, evidencing both a
disorder that is correctable through treatment and behavior
that is punishable by law. Both consequences must follow for
batterers.
"Victims, by and large, are normal people who are
unfortunately in relationships with violent partners. Couple
counseling is
inappropriate
and unethical as treatment, and victims unequivocally are not
codependent. The only effective method so far to stop violence
in the lives of victims is for the victim to get out of the
relationship, stay out, and have no further contact with their
former abusive partners."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Island and Letellier
certainly have their own axes to grind by confronting this
very important and timely issue in the way that they do. It
does add spice to the book. Perhaps it would be helpful to
co-read this book along with something like Thomas Moore's Care
of the Soul. Moore demonizes no one but views folks as a
fascinating montage of both good and evil, and all points in
between.
In his book, Moore makes the following comment
"One of the
difficulties in care of the soul is to recognize the necessity
of pathos and tragedy. If we view love only from a high
moralistic or hygienic peak, we will overlook its soul
settling in the valley. When we reflect on the tragedies of
our own loves, when we slowly find our ways through their
miseries, we are being initiated into the mysterious world of
the soul. Love is the means of entry and our guide. Love keeps
us on the labyrinthine path. If we can honor love as it
presents itself, taking shapes and directions we would never
have predicted or desired, then we are on the way toward
discovering the lower levels of soul, where meaning and value
reveal themselves slowly and paradoxically."
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(Continued
from page 6)
The
Ones Who Got Away: Women Who Left Abusive Partners, by
Ginny NiCarthy. (Seal Press 1987)
* Same-Sex Domestic Violence. Farley, N. in
Dworkin, S; Guitterez, F (Eds.) Counseling Gay Men and
Lesbians: Journey to the End of the Rainbow ACA, Alexandria,
VA, 1992.
* The Scourge of Domestic Violence, by
David Island, PhD. and Patrick Letellier, MA. Gaybook, #9. San
Francisco, CA: Rainbow Ventures, Inc., Winter 1990.
Sourcebook for Working with Battered Women, by Nancy
Kilgore. (Volcano Press 1992)
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and
How to Respond,
by Patricia Evans. Paperback 2Nd; Expnd edition, 1996
Adams Pub; ISBN:
1558505822
Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and
Recovery, by Patricia Evans. Adams Pub, 1993; ISBN:
1558503048
* Violent Betrayal: Partner Abuse in Lesbian
Relationships; by Renzetti, Claire M. Sage
Publications, 1992
* Violence in Gay and Lesbian Domestic Partnerships,
by Renzetti, Claire M. and Charles Harvey Miley,
eds. Harrington Park Press, 1996
* Violence in Gay Male and Lesbian Relationships:
Implications for Practitioners and Policy Makers. Bologna,
MJ; Waterman, CK; Dawson, LJ. Paper presented at the
Third National Conference of Family Violence Researchers,
Durham, NH, July 1987.
* The Violence at Home, by Katrin Snow. Los
Angeles, CA: The Advocate, June 4, 1992.
* When Gays Batter Their Partners, by David
Tuller. San Francisco, CA: The San Francisco Chronicle,
January 3, 1994.
When Love Goes Wrong: What to do When You Can't Do Anything
Right, by Ann Jones and Susan Schechter. (HarperPerennial
1992)
When "I Love You" Turns Violent, by Scott A.
Johnson. (New Horizon Press, 1993)
Women and Male Violence: The Visions and Struggles of the
Battered Women's Movement, by Susan Schechter.
(South End Press 1982)
You Can Be Free: An Easy-To-Read Handbook for Abused Women,
by Ginny NiCarthy and Sue Davidson (Seal Press 1989)
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National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE
(1-800-799-7233)
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