Hey all, As most of you already know, I was scheduled for chest surgery w/ Brownstein
yesterday. I didn't chicken out or anything silly and everything went really well.
Things went better than expected--both from my end and Brownstein's.
i can't believe how absolutely great i feel!! In my wildest dreams i wasn't
expecting to feel this good. (not that it still doesn't feel like i got belted w/ a
2X4 across my chest...)
I ended up seeing Brownstein again this morning because we thought there was a problem w/
one of the drains. It turns out that i'm just not bleeding very much and nothing was
wrong at all. He redressed the incisions and seemed to be very impressed with his
own work! :) I looked down at it too and thought it was pretty cool, too!
So things are going really well! And I'm VERY VERY VERY Happy!!! I guess it
was the first thing out of my mouth...again, which Brownstein and all the nurses were just
elated about! If you feel up to calling me, i'm at the Ramada Limited (240 7th St.),
#415-861-6469 Rm 236 (until sat, then moving to a new room until july 21).
michael
Hey all, Just wanted to let you know that things are continuing to go along really well!
I got my drains pulled out today and it wasn't nearly as terrible as I had heard
from others (or as I had just feared). They looked really cool too after they were
on the outside! :) And it didn't hurt hardly at all when he pulled 'em!
What DID hurt though was when he had to squeeze some of the blood out that didn't
drain from one side... so he rolled and kneeded over half my chest! Yikes! But
i shouldn't complain, cuz he was fun to look at looming over me!
He also snipped off the pressure pin-cushion-like/golf-ballsized things around the nipples
to check the grafts. It was really sensitive when he was cutting those sutures to
look at the grafts. The good thing is that both grafts have taken really well and
he's really happy w/ them. I got to look down at things and it looked good from what
I could see. Sort of Frankenstein-like for the time being, because of all the
sutures and how raw things are, but the contours and shape of the scars and all that good
stuff looks good for being only 5 days post-op!
The stitches come out on Wednesday at 11:30am and then i can FINALLY shower! I think
Jim has been really patient trying to help me clean up and putting up w/ how rank
I'm getting! :) Hope everyone is doing well... and thanks for the calls and
supportive thoughts! It really means a LOT to me. michael p.s. We are now in
Room 130, phone # 415-861-6469
Greetings all-- Today I got my stitches taken out! Brownstein was gabbing about his
laptop computer and the problems therein, so it took about 4x's longer than it usually
does--at his own admission! It was a GREAT distraction for me, especially when he
was removing the ones near the center of my chest and ended up pulling on the hair and NOT
the stitches!
He continues to assert that everything is looking great, the grafts are taking well, the
contour looks good, things are healing quickly and smoothly (w/ the minor exception of a
little fluid build up on the left side--due to the drain getting clogged a bit).
What was REALLY cool was when I headed out walking this afternoon, looking for some shops
I really wanted to hit before the Bear comes tomorrow, and I started noticing that I was
walking by store fronts with windows.... windows that I could see my reflection in. And it
hit me... in profile...*THIS*... This was what i've wanted for so long.... What i saw was
ME. A bit of a pot belly, but NO CHEST. I could stand up straight and could
still feel comfortable. I felt great--and took advantage of every store window to
catch a quick glance!
So, not that I really had any doubts... but I know I made the right choice. The right
surgeon, the right proceedure, the right time, the right place... for the right me. I'm
still really happy...... michael
I had a really interesting experience this morning that I wanted to share w/ ya'll.
Today was the first day I could take a shower.
I was VERY excited about this (as was Jim, who's had to live w/ me!).
I've had the binder on 24 hours a day, with the exceptions of when Dr.
B has taken it off. I also hadn't really seen my chest, except for looking down at
it when I was laying on his exam table--so not much of a view. OK. So Jim and I
CAREFULLY undo the velcro of the binder, and SLOWLY peel it away from my skin--and some
residual blood from after the stitches were removed. We were standing in front of
the mirror, so I could watch to make sure I wasn't pulling anything as I took things off.
I finally got my first look at my chest.... It wasn't bad...I looked
carefully, trying to make sure that all the tape and incisions and everything looked
ok.... I noticed that the left side still has a bit of fluid-so it looks like a mini-tit,
but not bad. That side, too is bruised quite a bit and looks pretty nasty.
But, as Brownstein says, the contours look great! My nipples are still covered
so I didn't get a look at them, but things are still pretty depressed and smooched into my
chest, since the binder hasn't let much pop out or stick out.
OK, so what's the point. I got REALLY HOT and REALLY nauseous when I was looking at
my chest. I was poking the swolen parts a little, making sure that everything was all the
same temperature and that things were ok...
And it hit me... more viscerally at first than cognitively... My chest was really
alien to me. it didn't feel as if it were my own. I liked it. I was and
am so totally happy to have what was there not be there any more... but this chest, the
one i was touching w/ my hands, the one i was seeing in the mirror, did not FEEL like my
own.
The nausea subsided relatively quickly, as did the hotness and icky feelings... But
i thought it was really interesting and very significant. I am trying to think of
ways of ritualizing and accepting, (welcoming) my "new"/newly arranged chest.
Anyway... i'm still happy, but am realizing that it may take some time to adapt to things
being different than they were for so long... reflectively,
michael