Date: Mon, 28 Aug 1995 10:20:22 -0500
To: Michael Munson <dmmunson@earth.execpc.com
Subject: Jack's article on the conference
New Men Being
by Jack Fertig
It was a kick in the balls of the patriarchy.
It was a bunch of guys getting together and talking, getting to know each other and
sharing information.
It was hundreds of brave, challenging, and powerful men . Many were gay, most
weren't. Many were incredibly handsome and sexy. Most didn't strike me
that way, but as they came together for themselves and each other, they earned my
admiration and pushed me beyond my imagination.
It was the world's first conference of female-to-male transsexuals, held at the
Women's Building and New College from August 20 to 22. Some were old friends
working together to make a dream come true. Some were meeting other FTMs for the
first time. Remember when you first met other queers? I often saw that
same open eyed jubilation, that homecoming epiphany.
Some of these guys come from places and situations where they can't be out at any
level. Max (not his real name) comes from a state where there's lots of scenic
beauty and Republicans, but not much else. That's my description, not his.
"Please don't even say where I'm from! I'm the only one in the state and
they'll all know!" Most of the names and geographical details have been
changed in this article so I can tell their stories without endangering them.
Max found out about this conference on the Internet. He'd never met another
FTM before this conference. Now he had a chance to speak openly and freely as
never before, to meet with other men like himself.
The opening night presentations included a speech from Jamison ("James")
Green, director of FTM International. This was a first for James as well.
He's been an outspoken advocate for FTMs, having written and lobbied for
passage of the new law that protects transgendered people from discrimination in San
Francisco. But this was the first time he could stand before 200 other
transsexual men. Never before had nearly so many come together.
"Your courage is phenomenal and rare," he told his brothers. Indeed.
These men have braved every social convention, challenging themselves, their
family and friends so they could live lives of integrity and authenticity.
Some have been through long, painful -- sometimes experimental --operations.
Many have taken hormones not knowing quite what the drugs would do to their
bodies, their sexualities, and to their minds. All have had to be willing to
let go of everything they knew, inside and out, just to be who they really are.
"We have not led typical male lives and we know things typical males do not
know." To this observer this sums up what makes FTMs some of the sexiest
men on the planet. In a way they are real men as no other men are. For
the most part, straight men take their masculinity for granted, acting out
scripts without questioning. Gay men have had to struggle with sexual
issues and have a certain amount of freedom and insight. FTMs have had to
construct their masculinity from the ground up, to overcome everything around
them just to be men. Our mythos of masculinity tells us that this is what a
"real man" is -- self-creative, independent, willing to stand up to
convention to be himself, to live a life of honest responsibility. So many
genetic men just follow their training and root for their teams and go with their
social expectations. Blah. The self-proclaimed John Wayne clones who
were born with dicks have nothing on these guys. Real men have hysterectomies.
Maybe you don't know any FTMs. Maybe you just think you don't know any FTMs.
I wasn't so surprised to see Martha, except that her name tag said
"George." I always thought she was a butch dyke. I had no idea
he was an FTM. "Yeah," he says, "I've never identified as a
Lesbian. I've always considered myself a man."
I saw an old friend who I knew to be bi, with his boyfriend of the last five years.
I didn't know he had a boyfriend. "I didn't know I had a boyfriend,
either!"
In the queer community male to female transsexuals have long been prominent.
Are there really so many fewer FTMs? Many do pass either as genetic
males or as dykes. It is often easier for an FTM to look like a genetic male
than it is for an MTF to look like a genetic woman. Some of it is media bias.
When San Francisco approved civil rights for transgenders reporters
interviewed James Green at length. He's eloquent, personable, handsome,
mediagenic, and he wrote that bill. Not that you'd know. Finished news
broadcasts focused on what appeared to be men in dresses, not that the typical
viewer could distinguish between transvestites and transsexuals. Anyone can
wear trousers, but the media love to play up the shock of a cock in a frock.
Also, being socialized and trained as women a lot of these guys are more deferential
and quiet. On the other hand, male to female transsexuals are frequently just
as assertive and demanding of attention as their masculine upbringings have taught
them to be.
Back to Mr. Green: "Invisibility does not equal acceptance. It creates
ignorance and keeps us in our closets.... There is no FTM community until we
come together."
Some of the men present want to create a visible community, to be able to stand up
and to take action, to further progress in justice and medicine. Some want to
live quietly and discretely as "normal" men without anybody knowing.
But they all came for information, and to meet others like themselves.
Photos by Loren Cameron followed James' speech. Loren's photographs of
transsexuals are easily worth thousands of words. Faces of strength and
beauty, bodies in transition, before, after, during... Some guys sitting by me
murmured hopes for a book. Learning to walk and talk like a man may not make the
streets any less or more dangerous, but a martial artist completed the program with
a demonstration of how anyone might protect himself. Some then went off to parties
or dinners. Some stayed and talked.
John had just started in a program in the Mid-West. At his job they still know
him as Jane, but it's a large company and they're transferring him to a new site
where he can be himself. He has yet to come out to his family -- they also
live in the Mid-West, not far from him -- but his brother knows, and the little
nephews figured it out for themselves. The four year old sat on his lap and
asked, "Aunt Jane, are you a man?"
Saturday was filled with workshops -- one about coming out, another about living
long term in transsexual bodies, another about FTM sexuality (for FTMs only) more
workshop about academic perspectives, about racism and transsexuality, workshops for
partners, for families and children, and more. And the workshops were
overfilled. 375 participants exceeded the building's capacity. Four time
slots with four choices in each slot. As a genetic male my options were fewer, and
sometimes clearer. My first workshop was for friends, partners, relatives, and
supporters of FTMs. There were about eighty in that room. Some parents
were there looking for other parents to connect with. Most participants were
women, including many who had gone into Lesbian relationships and were coming to
wonder about their own sexual definition as their lovers became men:
"I'm a Lesbian and something else... or am I just something else?"
"Oh, God! Does this make
me straight?"
Others also had to face questions of their own sexuality:
"I'm a gay man and my
boyfriend is FTM. It's the first time I've ever seen a vagina and I had to
wonder, is my sexuality that phallocentric?"
Another common theme was that
friends are supporting and attentive to the transsexual's transition, but the
partner is going through a transition also and is generally ignored, or worse:
"This is my transition, too.
I'm going from being perceived as a Lesbian to a straight woman. A lot
of my Lesbian friends dropped me and I lost a lot of support."
"I become invisible even to
myself." "We become our
partners' counselors -- we need to encourage them to get help. We need
partners, not therapy clients."
"And this is a real male
thing... Taking attention."
But the challenge also has its rewards! "I feel like I'm living more
consciously than ever now that I'm living in the gender community."
"I always held the power, but
now that he's becoming male he's taking power. We have to be consciously
aware." "My partner is
also taking power. I see it as him coming to himself, flowering. If I
saw it as a male-female thing it would make me crazy."
It was agreed that support was very
important, and some of the partners were also meeting others like themselves for the
first time ever. Some are developing local support networks. Some have to go
back to lonely remote parts of the country, but with phone numbers and e-mail
addresses. There's even an e-mail list for partners and a semi-regular
chat room on America On-line. Partners of FTMs are encouraged to e-mail
hotheadk@aol.com -- or if you're already on AOL e-mail Hothead K. A later
workshop was reserved just for partners of FTMs.
There was another workshop for "The No Hormone/ Non-Operative Option". For any variety of economic or health reasons some men stay in female bodies. Of course this raises a whole different constellation of issues around maintaining a male identity. Men who follow this path typically have a harder time developing resources and community.
MTF activist Kiki Whitlock and Larry Brinkin from the SF Human Rights Commission led a workshop on political and legal strategies for fighting transphobic discrimination. Larry discussed his own experiences. Early on he had sometimes won protection for transsexuals using laws against sex discrimination. But that didn't always work. Acknowledging that he didn't agree with the classification, he said that he had also claimed a "disability" status for some TSs who were also not happy with the language, but more concerned with immediate results. Larry also described the long range plan that had achieved San Francisco's transgender protection law.
The Workshop on "Queer/Straight Issues" was led by a panel made up of a homosexual, a bisexual, and a heterosexual ("Please don't call me 'straight'!").
Now, Gentle Reader, you may have read letters to this paper from people who insist that transsexuals are merely homosexuals who have so internalized their homophobia that they identify as "the opposite sex" rather than own their homosexuality. One word to that opinion: Pish-tosh! A number of these guys had been living and functioning as "Lesbians", but when they started taking testosterone their sexualities changed as radically as their bodies. Now they're Gay. There was less internalized homophobia here than I normally see walking through the Castro. Much less!
When FTMs start taking testosterone it's like going through puberty. Acne pops up, hair pops up, and the libido pops up. Any of these can cause some surprises. There are such a variety of patterns that anything could happen. Some, before and after hormones, remain attracted either to women or to men with no change. Some change entirely and suddenly. Some go through a bisexual phase as their attentions shift. Some become bisexual. Some cease being bisexual.
"I grew up as a boy, and as a dyke my partners were very specific. As I took hormones I started wondering how I would fit in as a straight man politically and socially. I didn't notice where my arousal was. I was turning on to men."
"I came to San Francisco six months ago and haven't thought about Gay/Straight because they say when you take testosterone you want to fuck anything that moves. I don't know whether I'll want to fuck men or women or whoever. I told my girlfriend, 'You won't want to fuck me when I'm a guy.' She said, 'You won't want to fuck me when you're a guy!'"
"I did heterosexuality, but I didn't like having a man on top of me with his penis in my vagina. Then I tried being a Lesbian and that was a little better. But I always got off on gay male fantasies. Of course there's a special place in Hell for Lesbians like that. I like being a man on top, fucking a man."
There was considerable discussion of transphobia in the gay community! Not that it's universal. As one guy said, "I always thought I was a straight man, but after the surgery gay men started noticing me and I found that very affirming. I realized I was asking people to accept me regardless of anatomy, so I should, too. Now I identify as Bi." On the other hand: "Gay men are not accepting. They're assholes." "I'd get to meet guys for a one time blow job, but if I tried to get to know them they'd cut me off. A friend says, Yeah, that's the gay world." "I hung out with the gay group in college and they made it clear that I was welcome to be with them, but I wasn't one of them." "At puberty I grew Dolly Parton tits and couldn't be a boy any more. I was invited to hang out with the dykes, but couldn't fit in. I got kicked out of Queer Nation. I got kicked out of the transgender community. I'm tired of having to understand the psychology of people who reject me so I can be at peace." "At work they say, 'If you're transgender you can't be gay. If you're transgender what does that make you and Tony?' It makes us two people very much in love. I'd do anything for that man and I'd beat the shit out of anyone who calls him a nigger!"
Some FTMs are severely disappointed that gays are just as transphobic as anyone, perhaps more so. "I have no trouble with 'regular people', Maw and Paw in small towns. It's educated liberals I have trouble with." No oppressed people is free of prejudice against others. Queers should know better, but we don't necessarily. Clearly a lot of the guys felt very shut out, alienated, and angry. One reported that some of the gay men he works with still call him "she" and make other rude remarks. Some were dedicated to building bridges. Ultimately all were looking for healing and unity.
"When I went to a Lesbian bar I thought I was home with my sisters, but I was called a nigger. Do I have to be a nigger here, too? Wherever I go I look for other Blacks, whether gay, tranny..." "What do you do with the hatred? the anger? the pain? I don't know." "You have to find power within to take care of yourself." "I go to classrooms and teach kids about being an FTM. It's a selfish act. I enjoy it and the kids -- Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, and all the others -- are hungry for what we have to say. We can give them what we never had."
As a gay observer writing to a largely gay audience I have to point out that some of the most challenging notions came up here. No, it's not just a notion. These guys are living it, but for those of us who are largely defined by our sexuality -- and have fought for positive identification and definitions -- it can be a bit frightening to see how fluid sexuality and gender can be. FTMs who get the information before they get the testosterone know that there's no telling what may happen to their sexuality. At lunch one handsome young boy with a mohawk told me, "I just started hormones and it's like going though menopause and puberty all at once." He's getting to like men, he's getting very horny, and his girlfriend is getting jealous.
What does this tell homosexuals? That our own sexuality is mutable? That we can be "cured" with hormones? Although any sexuality is to some degree mutable, homosexuality in the genetic male (or female) is indeed on firm and solid ground. Some genetic male bodybuilders take testosterone as an anabolic steroid, but report no change in sexuality. But to overcome transphobia in the gay community we have to look at these questions if only to refute them.
A man who grew up with a pussy -- and may still have one -- is not dealing with the same circumstances as a man who grew up with a dick; different bodies, different endocrinology, and different sociology, adding up to a largely different sexuality. We can embrace gay FTMs as friends and as brothers without threatening anything more than our own preconceived notions. We can embrace other FTMs as fellow queers. Embracing gay and bi FTMs as lovers may be more challenging.
Last year I'd just happened to turn on the TV and there was Sky on some talk
show. They were asking him about the surgery and he explained that he'd
chosen not to have the genital reconstruction. Well, why not, they asked.
"Being a man", he responded, "Is not about having a penis."
Never had I felt such an energy shift through a television. It was the
energy of all the women in the audience thinking, "Yeah!" and the men
nervously crossing their legs.
Generally speaking, Faggots are
very phallocentric, and the bedroom is no place to be PC. Nobody has the right
to tell anyone else who they should have sex with, but a lot of these men are pretty
hot!
Short of that, we all have friends we don't have sex with nor do we want to.
That much should be easy. Should be. Sadly, it's not. As I
told a gay friend about this conference he responded, "But that's immoral!
They should stay with what God gave them." Yes, the cocksucker really
said that! "Which," I responded, "Is exactly what Pat
Robertson says about us."
Stephan Thorne made headlines last year when he came out as a transsexual cop.
Since then he's helping to educate police about the transgender community
just as the police get educated about other minority communities. Just think.
In San Francisco the typical cop may know more about gender issues than the
typical homosexual!
Sunday was devoted to medical presentations. The slide shows were not for the
squeamish.
Years ago a transsexual female had told me that her gynecologist wanted to know who
had done her hysterectomy so neatly. Clearly for men there is a lot of
catching up to do, and yet we were assured that progress is indeed being made very
quickly.
There are two principle techniques for phalloplasty -- that is, creating a penis.
One is to take the clitoris which has been enlarged by hormones, to
reconstruct the urethra through it, and to reconstruct the clitoral hood as a
foreskin. The labia are brought forward and reconstructed as a scrotum
with prosthetic balls inside. It's small but I've seen teenier weenies on men
that were born with them.
Another technique brings down sensitive skin, either from the belly or the inside of
the forearm to construct a penis. Nerves can be attached to extend the
clitoral nerves to the constructed glans. With inserts or constriction (say,
for example, a cockring!) erection can be achieved and maintained. This is
larger than the reconstructed clitoris, but less sensitive and sometimes not very
natural looking. Some of the guys referred to it as "frankendick."
And it costs up to $70,000.
This is why many have the hormones and mastectomies but choose not to have the
genital reconstruction. Someone said later, "Why bother? All that
trouble and expense for something I'd use only ten minutes out of the day! I
already have a dick I can't feel or pee through."
Another man who had an earlier phalloplasty was impressed with the new techniques
and asked the doctor if he could get an "upgrade". Yes!
Among the closing remarks Stephen Thorne told the story of Brandon Teena, a
transgender male brutally raped by a gang led by the brother or a woman he'd been
dating. He reported the rape to the police and identified the rapists.
No police action was taken, but a week later the rapists returned to kill
Teena and his housemates. Thorne urged those present to come out as FTMs, to
integrate, to educate, and to be involved in their communities, to support each
other, and to prevent further violence.
Informal dinners, chats, and a bay cruise helped participants to wind down from the
conference. FTM International, which organized this event will certainly be
organizing more. They can be reached at 5337 College Ave., #142, Oakland
CA 94618, (510) 287-2646.