Shave and a Haircut, 2 bits

I’ve been very open about my transition. I planned and plotted and figured out just when I wanted to tell my friends, my employer, my family, my acquaintances. Some things took me by surprise and obviously weren’t "plannable", but I did try to think rationally, clearly, and be very open about what I was doing and why (if asked).

I made a VERY big point of NOT avoiding places I liked to go, restaurants I liked to eat at, etc. I wasn’t going to stealth transition. I wasn’t going to change my life and the things I liked because I happened to be making some minor adjustments to my body.

There were, however, a couple glaring exceptions to my grand plan! One was about getting my hair cut. Prior to transitioning I had been getting my hair cut by Bert--this really wonderful, big ole straight boy with really liberal attitudes. He’s great; we always had clicked, we got along well from the first time we met.

When I started to medically transition, I didn’t know how to tell Bert that I was transitioning. He was the only person I didn’t know how to tell. It was strange. I didn’t know where he fit. He wasn’t a friend. He wasn’t a client. He was an acquaintance of sorts. Casual, yet intimate.

So, roughly 2 years ago, I took the chicken-shit way out. I stopped seeing him and went wandering from place to place to get my hair cut. I felt really saddened by my actions. They totally went against my principles; besides I missed talking to Bert and was suffering through horrible haircuts.

I got tired of living in "fear", not confronting my own issues about not telling him. I wanted a totally clean slate, so I made an appointment to see him. I wasn’t sure what would happen... I’ve bumped into old acquaintances on the street who I hadn’t seen in months who just didn’t recognize me. While others, smiled like they vaguely recognized me but didn’t quite know from where. Others still recognized me right away.

I still couldn’t figure out how I was going to tell him, or if he would recognize me. I didn’t have a plan, but I was going to "come clean", make peace with myself, unite my past with my present, dissolve the feelings of dissociation I had been feeling.