From Elsie and Jane-

Elise and I found your page to be rather superficial but somehow overwhelmingly hilariuous! But hey Joe... what do you do about a stalker? I'd really like to know...Jane

Hmmm... A stalker... That is a tough one. It really depends on the stalker, I guess. I mean, if he/she is a dirty nasty gross looking looser that wanders around your house mumbling things about (or to) Senator Joseph "Tailgunner Joe" Mcarthy, you might want to go out to a good sporting goods store, buy a 12 gauge shotgun, and blow the weirdo away. Make it look like the stalker was trying to break in to your house, though. I'm not a cop or anything, but I don't think they let you go around blowing people away because they mumble or something. If you're lucky, the stalker will actually try to break in to your house just when you happen to be dressed in all black and have a loaded Mossberg within arm's reach.

On the other hand, if the stalker is attractive, you may want to capture them alive, and keep them in your basement as a love slave. They'll probably get a kick out of it, too. Get a tazer, or maybe some pepper spray, render them unable to move, tie them up, and take 'em home. Fun for the whole family! If you're not too sure about your knots, go to Radio Shack and get some of their big plastic wire ties, they work pretty good as temporary disposable handcuffs in tight situations.
Hope this helps!


Joe's AMAZING Relationship Problem Solver Advice!


[ Next ]

Back to Actual Relationship Problems

Back to Joe's Amazing Relationship Problem Solver Mailbox

Created by lungfish@execpc.com (Joe Carpenter)


This page is Copyright © 1995, Joseph E. Carpenter, all rights reserved.