Weirdness
Joe, your relationship problem solver is very pessimistic.
Well, there are people who say "the glass is half empty" and there are people who say "the glass is half full." There are others who would say "the glass is at 50% of capacity." We call those people engineers. We don't let them near the microwave oven, for fear that they will take it apart and put it back together according to some twisted plan only they know, and the next time we go to melt some cheeze-whiz for our nachos, we wind up starting world war III. I'm a computer science major, so I frequently say "I don't care how much stuff's in the glass, just keep the damn thing away from the keyboard." Then the engineers laugh and say something like "I won't spill this 591 milliliter container of mountain dew on your computer" which they of course immediately do, prompting a bitter argument followed by a violent brawl, which lasts for a number of minutes until someone notices that "Baywatch" is on, and everyone puts their differences aside and stares at the screen and says things like "There's no way those can be real." and an engineer does some quick calculations and says something like "the support structure alone would weigh several tons." and a computer science major would say something like "Well, if they had an SGI and a 32 bit video card, they could use a 3-d modeler/renderer to texture map them on there..." and someone else would say "Who cares? Just look at 'em." And then we would all agree that technology was wonderful, no matter how it worked, and then we all go down to Burger King and make fun of the English majors hard at work.
So, as I was saying.
I can't remember what I was saying.
Oh, well, forget it.
P.S. -Jason, I liked the bit about your cat.
From The Snakester-
I took your advice and dumped my boyfriend. Now I'm single again. Wanna go out sometime?
Yes! This is why I did this in the first place!!!
I think this qualifies me as an official CYBERSTUD©!
I'm glad you decided to loose your email virginity with us, Almut. It's always good to hear from my friends around the globe. Unless they've committed some kind of horrible crime, and now they're looking for a safe place to hide from the cops. You haven't done anything like that, have you Almut? Where were you on the night of the 18th, Almut? Alright, leeme gas up the Bronco, I'll drive you to your mom's house. Don't worry about it.
As for Shakespeare, it must be said, he really knows his shit. Despite the best efforts of all the teachers that have attempted to "Teach" (and I use the term very loosely) me Shakespeare, but wound up force feeding me bull about iambic pentameter instead, I find myself able to look past all that and enjoy it not for all the visionless academic crap that high school english teachers thrive on, but for the truth each line of Shakespeare contains. In a nutshell, that truth is- Fall in love and then get killed.
.An amazing, unsoliticited testimontial (well, except for the part about life,
problems, but maybe the hemorrhoid part is true, if I can get a good divorce
lawyer...hey, just kidding, right!)
Anyway..tell the girl who may marry the guy who acts differently around
family and when they're alone..the one who walks apart from her in public,
and loves his computer -- to lose him. Fast.
That's it, right now. Mail him to the cousin/schoolmate she's always hated.
BTW, is he a F**$$$$ engineer? If so, to hell with it. Nuke him.
Now, back to our basic message..DO YOU SUFFER FROM THE TORMENTS OF UNREQUITED
LOVE..OR LOVE THAT PERHAPS, HAS WILTED (so to speak) ON THE VINE..THEN:
YOU NEED JOE'S AMAZING PROBLEM SOLVER. Void where prohibited. Rotate your
tires.
BTW, is the URL name that begins "stud"...another advertisement?
Or..(sigh)..just another...meaningless hypergurgle of facile terms?
That's it, choose one...
If it's "stud"..let me know when you'll be in the neighborhood.
heh, heh.
Meanwhile, back to the soaps: FRED: "Jodie, Jodie," (pant, pant, thrash, thrash)
JODIE: (entering, stage left) Fred, I was worried, you weren't
at the engineering meeting -- 'EEKK..WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT POTATO?"
I categorically deny all of this. Or none of it. I wasn't here anyway.
Whew! It's nice not to have to do the rant once in a while!
Thanks!
Way cool. Didn't solve my problem worth a damn but it took my mind off things for a microsecond and kept me off that invitingly tall building with a high=pwered weapon. (Don't they just look like ants, though? Does they squash like ants? We gon' see, we gon' see.) Love is usually not two-way, unfortuantely. Alas. And isn't THAT a pretty building?
Okay, I feel that I deserve the Nobel Peace prize here. I mean, if this little site kept this guy from going postal, how many people have I saved? Probably not as many as I've killed with this site. Think they take that sort of thing into consideration when they give out the damn things?
hey joe,
its jenny i just discovered your nifty little relationship thingie.
i really love it . but your advice isnt verry happy . god there are
some freaks out there . i love freaks they are so much more colorful
than"normal" people. well i must be off for now! talk to ya later!
ps: please try to be a little more happy!
Jenny, okay, I want you to put the nice shiny heroin needle down for a minute. Now repeat after me- "Just Say No."
I like your relationship tester. Very creative. I'll bet if you applied yourself to your studies instead of dicking around on the internet, you'd be able to pass philosophy 104. Just kidding, please don't take that personally, for all I know you could be president Joe one day. Although, if you really watched 50 million hours of Rikki Lake you could be permanently damaged and possibly even sexually confused. Go hit on some women to make sure.
Sincerely, SAD RICH
Thanks Rich! Man, I get so many ideas from you people, it just makes
me glow with joy! President Joe! I like the sound of that. Hit on women,
I like the sound of that too! I think the two would go nicely together.
I hereby delcare my canidacy for President of the United States of America!
Now, all of you, get out there and vote for me so I can have the ultimate
pickup line- "Hey babe, wanna go screw in the bed that President JIMMY CARTER
slept in?"
Man, they'd be falling all OVER me!