- You see no reason to stop at a rest stop because you have a
milk jug in the car.
- Your wife's Lady Remington is a 30-06.
- Your wife's night gown says 'Fred Bear Archery.'
- A trip to the islands means "Mackinac."
- You're on a first name basis with the clerk at the Michigan
unemployment office.
- You install your snow tires in September.
- You think working at McDonald's means making the big bucks.
- Going south for the winter means Escanaba.
- You think that Iron Mountain is a prime example of a big city
in urban decay.
- You think the phrase "To open a can of worms" means
"we're going fishing."
- People in Wisconsin act superior to you.
- You thing that a Big Mac and a shake refers to the bridge on
a windy day.
- Your kid aces the 3rd grade...on his 9th try.
- A new car means a 1972 AMC Gremlin.
- Being a "Red Wing fan" means you like their new
line of hiking boots.
- You watched the "Ricki Lake Show" because you
thought it was about fishing.
- You answer the question "How many Yoopers does it take
to change a light bulb?" with 'none, we don't have
electricity.'
- You think that "The straits of Mackinac" refers to
the heterosexual population on the island.
- You think that the Mackinac ferry refers to, well, you know.
- You view working the drive through window as an important
career advancement.
- You only know Ted Nugent for his archery equipment.
- You think the phrase "It's all down hill from here"
is an advertisement for the local ski lodge.
- Your telephone number has 3 digits...or less.
- You think that a 6 pack of Strohs, a bag of Dorito's, salsa
and bean dip cover 4 of the 7 basic food groups.
- You think your family tree is the one in the backyard with
the tire swing.
- You saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry" and
you've been trying ever since.
- You think Canadian Club is the hockey team from Wawa,
Ontario, eh?
- Your car phone is a rotary model with a loooooong cord.
- You didn't go see the movie Malcolm X because you missed
Malcom I through IX.
- You can ice fish 9 months of the year.
- You think that poached eggs means they were stolen from your
neighbor's chickens.
- You think that the Board of Education is the plank the
teacher womps your ass with.
- You can't light a childproof cigarette lighter.
- You think the sign in every bar that says NO MINORS SERVED is
occupationally biased.
- You think the sign saying FINE FOR PARKING means this is a
really good spot to leave the car.
- You consider membership in the Michigan Militia as a viable
military career.
- Your Junior High School has a mandatory class titled Chainsaw
Operation and Repair.
- You know 37 ways to prepare meals from roadkill.
- Your idea of deer hunting is driving down the logging roads
in your 4-wheel drive without your gun.
- When sent for a jack, you bring back a fifth of Lynchburg,
Tennessee's finest.
- Your summer shirts are plaid wool (same as your winter
shirts).
- Your mosquito repellent doubles as your aftershave.
- Your ice fishing shanty is better furnished than your house.
- You think 'ice beer' is leaving a 6 pack of Old Milwaukee
outside overnight.
- You think that The Milwaukee Brewers and the Green Bay
Packers are labor unions in Wisconsin.
- Your favorite bar plays both kinds of music, Country and
western.
- Indoor plumbing is something you want to have someday.
- Your wife and sister are the same person.
- You consider a thunderstorm as a drive-thru car wash.
- Your wife's new fur coat came from animals you trapped
yourself.
- You think Barney Rubble deserves an Emmy as Best Supporting
Actor.
- The local meat market sells daily road kill specials.
- You think Algebra is a type of woman's underwear.
- You use four sheep to mow your lawn.
- Nothing in your living room clashes with your stuffed moose
head.
- Your local bowling alley has 6 lanes so there's no waiting.
- People admiring your earthtone carpet suddenly realize it
really is the earth.
- The county library has one book, "Dick and Jane."
- You still have all your original teeth, you just keep them in
a jar on the shelf.
- You know 16 ways to cook a raccoon.
- The local record store still has brand new 8-track tapes for
sale.
- You think a Laundromat is something soft to kneel on when you
wash your clothes in the creek.
- The local movie theater is offering "Gone With The Wind"
as a first run feature presentation.
- The local doctor is also the veterinarian, auto
mechanic...and the school bus driver.
- All the available radio stations can be preset on your car
radio's 6 buttons — 3 times!
- Your friends give you a really cool nick name, like "Stinky."
- You fertilize the lawn by letting the cows out of the barn.
- You burn your kid's Statistics text book as pornography,
after all it had one whole chapter on standard deviations. They will
learn about leather, whips and sheep soon enough!
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