Why does the violence continue? One reason is our current ignorance of an important underlying cause of pathologic adolescent rage. Hollywood violence, gun availability, dysfunctional families, and the absence of God in the classroom have been cited as root causes for these tragedies. While the interplay of these variables may have influenced the events that unfolded, our national obsession with the feelings of teenagers has played an enormous but heretofore unrecognized role in what is transpiring nationwide. Unless we change our attitudes and approach to dealing with the normal developmental phase of years known as adolescence, I fear another Columbine is inevitable.
The adolescent years are typically characterized as a period of self-absorption. Teens are fixated on their looks and their feelings. Worries about failed relationships with friends and love interests, and power struggles with parents have always consumed an enormous part of a teenager's everyday existence. What has changed, however, is how we as a society view these teenage preoccupations. Instead of recognizing them as part of a normal process, we have propelled teens toward a heightened awareness of their perceived injustices through our own preoccupation with protecting their self-esteem.
The self-esteem movement has become an entrenched feature in our schools and homes. The emergence of a psychotherapeutic culture of cushioning self-esteem at all costs has led to school programs aimed at coddling teens instead of encouraging their growth and independence. The abundance of peer mediation and conflict resolution courses in our schools represent the prevailing view that these programs will benefit teen self-esteem. The problem has been compounded at home where discipline has been replaced with the desire of parents to be their children's best friends.
The outcome of this failed philosophy is that teenagers never learn to directly deal with their problems. Instead they are taught to dwell on their woeful feelings rather than find constructive ways to move forward . This is not to say that compassion must be spared, but rather that the goal of caring adults should be to help teens move away from focusing on self-esteem and toward developing a greater sense of self-control. In our attempt to protect our youth from pain and sorrow, we are actually ensuring that they will be absorbed by their own self-pity. It is under these circumstances that a despondent teen may find no other recourse but to lose control and act out violently.
In the aftermath of Columbine, schools around the country have begun to look for ways to prevent similar outbursts of rage. Sadly, they are likely to call for more self-esteem programs. Perhaps they could save money and lives by teaching kids an old-fashioned lesson: life isn't always easy. There will be rough times in high school and beyond. The time to get used to it is now.
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