Confession

Note: This in intended to be used as a darkly comedic audition monologue, giving the actress the opportunity to show some range. It is my belief that, if you're going to do black comedy, you should at last have a point.

(A woman in her 20's is sprawled indulgently in chair, but in a transparent cover for a highly defensive mindset. She should try to engage her audience) O.K.... Fine! (pause) It's a confession that you want, (sarcastic grin) and that's what you'll get, but we're gonna do it on my terms, 'K? We'll start at the beginning. When I was about 18 months old I reached into my diaper and pulled out a load of... oh.... is that too far back? Allrighty. Let's move to when I was 6. My neighbor had this dog, an "African Basenji". Do you know what they are? Weird dogs- they look like hieroglyphics- pointy ears, big swooping tails. But the weirdest part is- they have no vocal cords. They can't bark! So I got an idea from the cartoons. I strung a bunch of tin cans together and tied them to his tail. He took off like a rocket- but the cruel part was- he couldn't bark. He just ran around in circles going: (pantomime a silent dog trying to bark).

Let's see, what's next. A kid in my class had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He always had to count things. I'd follow him to the cafeteria while he'd be counting his steps, 137..138..139, and I'd start in behind him 104, 63, 112! He'd lose count and then have to run back to the classroom and start again. (pause) I did this every day. This is supposed to be a confession, right?

Then there was Janie Harker. We were in a foot race and she was winning, so I pushed her down. It's interesting- I didn't push her down because she was winning, oh no. I pushed her down because she was poor, and I was middle class, and, in my mind, that made me better than her, so how could she beat me? Do you see the difference? I didn't mind losing, as long as it was to a well-heeled little girl.

Ah, then more animal torture! Have you ever seen a cat with a piece of tape stuck to its paw? (shake hand vigorously) They hate it. So I would sneak up on my sister's sleeping cat with two pieces of tape, and stick one on the front left paw, and one on the rear right. (pantomiming) The cat would wake up, shake it's paws, fall over, stand up, shake its paws, fall over, stand up..... What's so funny? You think that's funny? (cat hiss) This is a confession, remember?

(pointing to someone) You're looking pretty impatient to me. Are you in a rush? You want me to skip to the part where I killed the guy, right? O.K... I started talking to him in a bar. No crime in that, right? Just talking. Never met him before. We dance a few numbers, he buys me a drink or two, you could even say that I was a flirt, but then it's getting late, so I leave- I had the 7 AM shift the next day, but he follows me into the parking lot. The next thing I know, he has me pinned against the trunk of a car.

(Directly to audience) O.K.- show of hands: Who's thinking "Maybe she deserved it. Maybe she led him on, said something, wore something, did something." Come on- which of you? Just the guys? Well let me tell you something. (with building intensity) I could have been dressed like a tramp, could have begged him to come back to my place- hell, I could have married the son-of-a-bitch., but when I said "no", when I said "get lost, loser", when I said "get away from me!", I had that right! (pause)

He was a lot bigger than me. Stronger. (shrug) That was that. (pause, wiping tears)

So, then I had three choices. I could call the police. Subject him, and myself, to the machinations of justice. Let the law run its course. Ask William Kennedy Smith about that. Or O.J. Sure- whatever. (in a sarcastic, bubbly manner) "So, miss fancy pants, would you please tell the court what you were doing in a bar called 'The Tryst' in the first place?" I don't think so!

The second thing I could have done was just let it go. Leave him to rape someone else. My sister, maybe. Or maybe your sister.

My last option seemed best- hunt the bastard down. He never saw me coming. (deliberately) Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, click... click...... click (pause). He looked up at me, and in that moment before he died, he suddenly got it. He got it! I could tell- in his eyes. He hadn't understood what he'd done before, but suddenly he did.

(To a woman) Have you ever been raped? (to a man) Have you ever even been afraid of being raped? By another man? (laugh) That takes the wind right out of your sails, doesn't it? That's always in the back of a woman's mind, you know. Every time we are in a parking garage, going down an alley, driving late at night. Am I going to get attacked? Is that guy over there a rapist?

You know something? If you added up all the karmic debt I've accrued in this lifetime, and believe me, there's been plenty, it doesn't come close to the price I paid when that guy took my body for himself. So, what exactly am I confessing to? You tell me... You tell me. (drop head)

No part of this material may be reproduced in any form without prior written consent from the author. This material may be used for audition, workshop, and classwork purposes without written consent, but please have the consideration to notify the author at scafativ@execpc.com, or at Victor-charles Scafati, 252 Jefferson St., Johnson Creek, WI, 50538.